when you're at such a low point in your life and you get these strange feelings and wishes of disappearing or getting away, you start not to fear death like you used to. 

you've been afraid your whole life but now you see things differently, perhaps clearly. you see that life ain't no fairytale where you find yourself a prince who will protect you and love you for who you are and live happily ever after. life is way more than that. 

you don't get to choose who you love or who your family is but you do get to choose what to do with yourself and your insignificant existence. 

in a world of shadows, it's quite easy not to be seen, I mean it's pretty easy to go unnoticed almost as if you were invisible but not really. in fact it's good to be invisible because when people start to notice you and when you think you're relevant, they use you and take advantage of you; because that's just how human race is: manipulative. people will love you and support you when it's beneficial but they'll tell you to fuck off once they don't need you anymore. I don't believe they do it just to be mean, they do it because they're selfish and they're too blind to see that their happiness is a facade. what they really need is to look around and realize that other people would make them happy if they even let them. but instead they choose to stay away from what's good and turn into the bad shit they've never thought they'd become.

but apart from all this life philosophy, the point is that we're all going to die.