somewhere inbetween sad and happy, I'm trying to figure out where do I belong. I don't quite know who I am yet or what I'm meant to do with this life that was given to me. I swear I keep looking at the dark sky and patiently wait for the stars to give me some sort of hint but nothing so far. it drives me crazy not to know what's the meaning of all of this, my existence, the love I need but most of the times reject, the beginning and the end of the world. so many doubts and thoughts and questions run through my mind, but so little answers. 

perhaps there's some mysteries we'll never get to really know. 

I just hope I won't be one of them.

I'm tired of being a lie, tired of using words as a brick wall to protect me from all my monsters, tired of sitting around complaining and doing nothing about it. I'm tired of not knowing. 

I do wanna know, I really do wanna know. so why would you keep those untold secrets only to yourself, oh dear lord, angel or whatever it's above me and who I can't see except with my heart. 

I don't understand how could you put us through hell while living and make us feel dead so once we're dead we can feel alive and we can enjoy heaven like we never could on earth. 

I don't understand why would you put me here if there's no reason for me to fight a fight that's already lost.

I don't want to sound like a poet but why would you invent bridges and not give us wings to fly instead of jumping out of them when we're most desperated and when we most need you why don't you hold our hand and guide us????

I feel like I was blinded by pain and I'm numb to any kind of emotion or sense but I'm not deaf and I can hear you and I can hear them, screaming and begging and wishing to know all the things that are inside their brains and never dare to come out.