(fuck you)

my mom used to describe me as this blank character, with absolutely no personality whatsoever and as a confused lost soul. I've always disagreed with those words but as the days go by, I've realized that those words are actually very much true. 

I'm a blank page in this enormous book of life and my story is half written, obviously because I'm still young and I still possibly have a lot of life and a lot of time ahead of me. 

the thing that scares me the most is the fact that I quite not know what to do with myself or my life. if floating through the clouds and admiring the sun and the moon and the stars is not enough, then I'm afraid I'm condemned. 

the world is full with lost souls, most known as ghosts or spirits. I'm so different from all of them, yet so similar. people can't see ghosts, perhaps they can feel them and their presence. people can see me, but they can not feel me or read me and my head, no matter how hard they try. 

psychologists would probably say that I'm crazy, they'd probably find a scientific name for what I'm feeling and give me a rational explanation for why I'm feeling this way. but I don't need no damn psychologist trying to diagnosed me or trying to categorize my darkest issues. 

I may not be the same as I used to be a few years ago but people change, we all go through a transition and we learn and we grow from all the fucked up situations we're in. 

to be honest with you, life scares me to death. perhaps that's why part of me has already given up.

it's not easy to stay on track and it's even harder when you've already fallen so many times. it's like no matter how hard you try to get things right at least once in your life, nothing seems to work.

your brain destroys you and leaves you to think that you're no longer in control. you get so overwhelmed and depressed that no meds can bring your sanity back. 

sometimes you become desperate and you die trying to escape, other times you just live with it and pretend it's not there even tho it ain't ever leaving you.